Affirmation Poster

I mentioned before that my mom planned a little Mizuko ceremony/birthday party for me on May 7 (the six-month anniversary of Noah’s birth). A small group of friends came and one of the things they did was make an affirmation poster for me—I wanted them to do this, as I feel my sense of body-trust was very shaken by my second miscarriage experience. Here is a picture of the finished poster:

I also had a private ceremony by myself on May 3rd (Noah’s due date/my b-day) to “close out” the pregnancy as I mentioned wanting to do. That was great and really felt like it worked—did what I needed to do. Stated out loud to the “universe” that I am not pregnant with him anymore and have given birth. Then, I also did a private fear-release thing after the Mizuko Kuyo that also was helpful—letting go of lingering fear about m/c in general. I wish I had felt safe enough to do those things with company, but I didn’t.

As I have noted several times but without much details, the second miscarriage experience was so confusing and not clear-cut and just personally undermining, that I do probably need to process it a bit more. It was really confusing as to when I got pregnant, how pregnant I was, and when I stopped being pregnant—I kept having positive tests for almost a month after I started bleeding, etc., etc. Very confusing and hard to come to terms with—because there is so much I don’t understand. However, something happened following the Mizuko that gave me some “closure” about it—I went out to water the new tree we planted and there were two flowers from the hanging plant that had fallen onto the deck. Seemed symbolic to me, so I picked them up and put them under the tree—as I laid them there, I thoughts, “now at least they have each other.” That was the first time I had ever allowed myself to “personify” the second m/c. Then, I thought, “I have a pair of brothers here and a pair of brothers ‘out there'” and I had this weird sense of Noah as a “big brother.” Anyway, it was an oddly comforting experience and perhaps that was all I needed…

7 responses to “Affirmation Poster

  1. Pingback: Pregnancy Loss Blog Carnival + Noah’s Trees « Footprints on My Heart

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