After my miscarriage, people kept asking my mom what they could do for me. As you can imagine, there isn’t a lot specifically TO do—but I certainly appreciated the people who sent meals and then a week or so later, I deeply appreciated having close friends who were willing to listen to my story. The WHOLE story, not just a “I had a miscarriage. It was hard, but I’m doing okay” type of thing. My recovery in the first week following the miscarriage was about the same as recovering from a full-term birth, only with lots more crying. I cannot overemphasize how much that Noah’s birth was a BIRTH for me, not “just a miscarriage.” The contractions, the physical progression, the “altered state of consciousness” mental state, as well as the coping skills mobilized were indistinguishable from my other labors. After it was over, I felt physically worn out and weak the way I felt after having my other two children. I also kept hearing my heart beat loudly in my ears while sitting up—if I was lying down, it was fine, but if I was sitting up for any amount of time my heart would loudly whoosh in my ears. I did not experience this after my other children and I imagine it is because I didn’t lose as much blood with them (and I still lost a lot with them!). So, having the meals come in was of benefit the same way it is during any other postpartum period—you do not really have the stamina to be up and cooking after having a baby! After two weeks postpartum however, I felt physically totally back to normal. (This wasn’t the case after my full-term births—I felt like physical recovery took longer and it was due to the tearing/swelling I experienced with them, which obviously wasn’t the same in birthing a four inch baby. Plus, with full-terms births, I had a newborn to care for and nurse and all the time goes to that.)
Anyway, when people would ask what they could do, I started having my mom tell them they could send me a bead to add to a memorial necklace. Many people sent beads/charms and they all meant SO much to me. Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of Noah’s birth and I finally strung all the things people sent together into a “necklace” (it isn’t really wearable, which was never my intention, it is a string of beads). It took me a long time to make and it was a healing process. Also, I remembered where every single bead came from, even though I didn’t keep a list at the time (I have a list now). We hung the string of beads up over Noah’s “angel” birth certificate (which we also finally hung up last night).
Here are some pictures of it: