Got this poem from my mom this morning:
I see the crisp, new snow
I hear the sighing wind
I smell the smoking fire
I taste a deep sorrow
I feel a tear on my cheek
And I remember Noah.
::sob:: We all went out to play in the snow today and had a lovely time, but of course I felt like someone was missing. I also felt the anticipatory grief (this is the difference between losing the “future” compared to losing the past) of next year when there “should” be three little boys playing in the snow. Lann built a snowman family and included three kids—about the small one, “and this one is Noah!” 🙂
It seems very unreal to me that it has only been two months since my miscarriage. It feels almost a lifetime ago in a weird way—like my life is completely different now. TMI, but I am starting my second postpartum period today too. Those are hard days, because it is yet another reminder of what “should” be, but more so because every time I go into the bathroom I feel like I am having flashbacks of the miscarriage.